Following the Breadcrumbs: From Burnout to Awakening: Endings and New Beginnings by Susan Telford

This is my last week with Center for Awakening. What a beautiful journey we have been on together.

The Fierce Grace of Burnout

Many of you already know my story of burnout that was the catalyst for profound transformation. I went from being a passionate teacher of Mathematics to an invalid lying in bed, helplessly watching my accomplishments, my income, what I thought was my vocation, all disappear. 

As I faced the stark realisation that I did not know how to fix it, I had to accept that I had pushed myself on and on, ignoring warning sign after warning sign, ignoring the inner voice that had been screaming at me to stop.

My life energy had drained from me: a literal manifestation of the effect of giving my power away, of always trying to live up to the expectations of others. My life was reduced to the four walls of my house, but somehow I knew that the restoration of my physical health was inextricably linked to being willing to finally let go of all my striving- to be still, to listen to and follow that voice inside. My mind was stuffed with the good advice of a hundred spiritual and self-help gurus, but I knew there was something I was missing, something that it took the fierce Grace of burnout to get me to see. 

Being Breathed

I lay in bed for 6 months, looking at the trees. I was too exhausted to read and so I turned inward. It felt like depression. It felt like I was a total failure. It felt as though I had no idea how to get better, how to live in any other way. 

One day, lying in bed, I was thinking how easy it would be if I could just stop breathing. No need to figure out how to regain my health or figure out what was next for me.

But we can’t just decide to stop breathing, can we? This realisation was profound. It was as if a veil had been lifted, revealing a deeper truth: I could not stop breathing because I had never started: I was not breathing myself; I was being breathed by what? It seemed like a formless, divine Presence and quite honestly I thought I was going nuts!

However, in mere moments, I began to feel a sense of peace and clarity that I had never known before. I understood that just as this Presence was breathing my body, it knew the way out of my predicament and all I had to do, for the rest of my life, was listen to it  and follow wherever it led. I began journaling as a conversation with this Presence and the words that spilled onto the page called this new way of being “Slowing Down to the Speed of Grace.”

A Teacher of What?????

My journal became my very own “Conversation with God”. I would ask questions and the words would pour out onto the page. I had the strange sense that it was only when they appeared on the page that I was aware of them. They guided me back to health and to a completely different path. 

One startling day,I wrote the question. “But I really thought I was meant to be a teacher.” My hand wrote “Not a teacher of Mathematics, a teacher of God.” 

Although I had bought a copy of A Course in Miracles just after Marianne Williamson’s book “A Return to Love" had come out, I had only done the first few lessons and had never looked at the Manual for Teachers, so the term “Teacher of God” was not familiar to me. A quick Google search brought up the Teachers of God Foundation and the 40 Day program. 

I had the increasing sense that I was meant to work for TGF, but it took over a year for me to actually write to Lisa Natoli . After all, it was a pretty radical thing to do: write to a complete stranger and tell them I need to work with you. Lisa put me in touch with Bill who just so happened to be looking for a Project Manager (of course he was!) and he hired me on a 90 day trial. I have spent almost six years with this incredible organisation and have been blessed to meet so many wonderful friends in the Evolve Community.

The power of sharing our spiritual journeys has enriched my life in ways I could never have imagined. We’ve laughed, cried, and grown together, supporting each other as we explore our awakening. We have been taught by some of the finest teachers and we have benefited from the power of community and the transformative power of shared experiences.

One of those teachers was Regina Dawn Akers, and inner wisdom led me to becoming an ordained minister, at the organisation she founded, Awakening Together. Another major surprise — if you told me 10 years ago I would be an ordained minister, I would have told you you were nuts!

Inner Wisdom Leads Me On 

As my time with Center for Awakening (formerly TGF) comes to an end this week, I know without a scintilla of doubt that the same inner wisdom that led me here is leading me onward.  

New ventures are unfolding: training and working as an end-of-life doula and funeral celebrant and working on a new project that I am very excited about. All of this is centred around holding space for and supporting people during some of the most profound moments: it seems like my vocation is truly that of the doula: the one who accompanies others on the sacred journey of living, awakening, dying.  

I am looking forward to having more time to write and a 2nd poetry collection is in the pipeline! If you want to keep up with my writing, you will find me on Substack.

Leaving with Love 

I cannot express the love and gratitude I feel for Bill Free and the whole team at CFA. 

I cannot express the love and gratitude I feel for you, my friends in the Evolve community. 

So, in true Susan style, I will leave you with a little poem, because in the end, living our awakening is very simple because we don’t do any of it:

“Allow Life to live you

Allow Love to love you

As you surrender to receiving Love

You dissolve in Love

Until nothing remains of you

But Love

And being the Love you are

Is the only available option”.  

🌹